Pedantic expressions and philosophical mockerycopied from unknown source by Eric Krieg

  • contributed by:

    • Ronald McDonald, Anatol Rapoport, Prof.   Emeritus U of Toronto;  Larry Garvin, Prof. of Law, Florida State U.; H.   Don Cameron, Prof. of Classics, U of Michigan.

     
  • Amedical diurnal pomiance ........ An apple a day keeps the doctor away
  • Agametic pusillanimity ................ Faint heart never won fair lady
  • Amorous terricircumflexion ............. Love makes the world go around
  • Arboreal silvanoscope ....... What to see the forest for the trees with
  • Autoproctolepsy . Make an rear of oneself
  • Bimanual ablutionary reciprocity ............ One hand washes the other
  • Bonumeration ................ Count your blessings
  • Chronocide . Killing time
  • Chronopantraumatherapy ... Time heals all wounds
  • Contralaterograminal hyperviridiance ................. The grass is greener on the other side
  • Cornotaural tenacity ............. Taking the bull by the horns
  • Dorsal mordancy ............. Backbiting
  • Dorsoreciprocal abrasion ......... You scratch my back, I scratch yours
  • Eluopetric abryolexy ......... A rolling stone gathers no moss
  • Equidulcent rosaliance ............. A rose by any other name
  • Equinavicularity ....... To be in the same boat with
  • Equine chromatic disparity ................. Horse of a different color
  • Excapillary homolavation . I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair
  • Exocardial autoprandiation ...... Eat your heart out
  • Exsartagous inflagration ..... Out of the frying pan, into the fire
  • Extritial neo-adventism ....... Out with the old, in with the new
  • Fabial effusion ............... Spill the beans
  • Felinolingual seizure .......... Cat got your tongue
  • Felinophonic similitude .......... The cat's meow
  • Fumoincendiary juxtaposition ........ Where there's smoke, there's fire
  • Hippospectral diversion ...... Horse of a different color
  • Horticultural circumflagellation .............. Beating around the bush
  • Hyperculinary putrefaction ........ Too many cooks spoil the broth
  • Hypermordant mandency ... Biting off more than you can chew
  • Hypoclimatosis ........... Under the weather
  • Infracaninophilia ..... Love of the underdog
  • Lactoprofundant lachrymosis ...... Crying over spilled milk
  • Literolachrolepsy ........... Read 'em and weep
  • Maternocaligal calceation ................ Your mother wears army boots
  • Monolithic biavicide ... Killing two birds with one stone
  • Nondissipatory nonpenuriance ........ Waste not, want not
  • Nonparticipatory nonsuperance ......... Nothing ventured, nothing gained
  • Octoglobular postolepsy ............ Behind the eightball
  • Optical simiomimicry ....... Monkey see, monkey do
  • Opticredulous equivalence ...... Seeing is believing
  • Ortectomy ........ Taking out the garbage
  • Ovular polycorbulation ....... Putting your eggs in many baskets
  • Pedal endojugulepsy .... Putting your foot in your mouth
  • Postovular gallinomics ... Counting your chickens before they hatch
  • Presaltoscope ... What you look thru before you leap
  • Proctalgia .... A pain in the rear
  • Rubrocervix .................. Redneck
  • Saxovolvant amuscation ................... A rolling stone gathers no moss
  • Scapular frigidity ................ Cold shoulder
  • Scapulorotary apposition ............. Shoulder to the wheel
  • Simioavunculosis ................ A monkey's uncle
  • Simioluminosity ............. Monkeyshines
  • Superaquatic hemoviscosity .. Blood is thicker than water
  • Ultimoglobular succulence .......... Good to the last drop
  • Unifacial millenavicular ejaculation .. The face that launched a thousand ships
  • Vitrodomopetrojection ..................... Throwing a stone from a glass house
  • Xanthodorsal striatosis ... A yellow stripe down one's back
  • Xanthogaster ........ Yellowbelly
  • scatashinolepsy . . . . . can't tell s___ from shinola
  • akontic anascatapotamosis . . . .  up s___'s creek without a paddle
    • Causes of Death for some of the great philosophers
  • Thales:Drowning
  • Parmenides: It wasn't anything at all
  • Ockham: Cut while shaving
  • Russell: Cut while being shaved by one who did not shave himself
  • Descartes: Stopped thinking
  • Spinoza: Substance abuse
  • Leibniz: Monadnucleosis
  • Darwin: Natural causes
  • Hume: Unnatural causes
  • Kant: Transcendental causes (although it was his own idea)
  • Paley: By design
  • Heidegger: By Dasein
  • Meinong: Climbing accident
  • Neurath: Boating accident
  • G.E. Moore: By his own hand, obviously
  • Sheffer: Stroke
  • Sartre: Nausea
  • Pascal: Became despondent after losing a wager
  • Wittgenstein: Tried to see if death was an experience one lived through. (Alternate: fell off a ladder)
  • Hegel: Collision with owl at dusk

    • WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

  • Plato: For the greater good.
  • Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
  • Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
  • Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
  • Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
  • Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
  • Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
  • Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
  • Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
  • B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
  • Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore conchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
  • Ludwig Wittgenstein (Early): The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
  • Ludwig Wittgenstein (Late): Because it had reached bedrock, and its spade was turned.
  • Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
  • Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
  • Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
  • Salvador Dali: The Fish.
  • Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
  • Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
  • Epicurus: For fun.
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
  • Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
  • Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
  • David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
  • Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
  • The Sphinx: You tell me.
  • Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
  • Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
  • Molly Yard: It was a hen!
  • Gene Roddenberry: To boldly go where no chicken ...
  • Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

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